High Tea At The Brighton Grand

"Yeah!" The swarthy waiter confirms that I can, in fact, have some more milk. Fifteen minutes later it arrives with a reminder that we have to vacate the premises shortly as a private party will be starting.

The tea room of the Grand, Brighton's poshest hotel has none of the intimate quietness you expect from 5-star hotels. A raggle-taggle army of waiters dashes around finger-licking customers. The constant clatter and clink-clank rises to the high wrought-iron ceiling. Coats are piled on the arm-chair backs, gusts of chilly draft travel across the carpeted orangery. It has the atmosphere of a café at a railway station where travellers just drop by for a 23-pound cup of tea to kill time before their train.

To give credit where it's due, the tea is flavourful, the sandwiches and muffins are tasty and the cakes, if a tad on the greasy side, are decent. But you can get the same at your neighbourhood tea room and it will only set you back a few quid. Posh places charge more for the exclusive atmosphere and best quality of everything. Sadly, the Grand does not deliver either.

De Vere Grand Hotel is on the seafront at 97-99 Kings Road, Brighton. Full Afternoon Tea at £22.50 per person plus service.

P.S. De Vere is not related to Bubbles De Vere from Little Britain. I think it should though.